our religion places a huge emphasis on family. one particular aspect of that is motherhood, and nurturing.
we are taught in the family: a proclamation to the world that "mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."
so what does "nurture" mean?
according to julie beck (relief society general president), "Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate. Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a "house of order," and women should pattern their homes after the Lord's house. Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work."
she has also said that "A good nurturer carries power and influence. The Latin word nutrire, from which the English word nurture originates, means “to suckle or nourish,” or, in the full interpretation, “to feed, foster, care for, or rear.” True power is found in the hands of a worthy nurturer, especially at mealtimes."
so what is a woman's role?
according to former relief society general president belle spafford, "From the Church’s point of view, a woman’s role remains the same as it has always been. A woman should give her greatest priority to her home: her husband, her family, and the opportunity to child-bearing. That is her divine mission. All women can’t have children or aren’t privileged to be able to raise a family in this life, but I think they have great potential for growth that the Lord expects them to develop."
in the manual the latter-day saint woman: basic manual for women it teaches that "Satan seeks to break apart the home and family. One of his many devices is to challenge the role the Lord has given to women. 'Satan and his cohorts … lure women away from their primary responsibilities as wives, mothers, and homemakers.'" (N. Eldon Tanner, Conference Report 1973)
wow! that's a pretty strong statement. satan wants to lure women away from being homemakers? to where? having a job is a temptation, is a sin?
as a teenager, i didn't want children. i wanted to move to france and be a hotshot fashion designer. at the age of thirteen, i was so adamant about the fact that i would NEVER have kids, i signed a "contract" with my mom saying that for every child i gave birth to, i would owe her $100. well, here it is, and a lot of time has passed. my attitude and my desires have done a complete 180 degree turn. i am a mother. i have a beautiful baby boy. and i would love to be a stay at home mother.
i have a part-time job. i really enjoy my job. it is hard work. some days seem to drag on forever. but i find myself looking forward to going to work most of the time. i would rather stay at home. i would rather be a homemaker. wouldn't it be awesome if i were that 50s housewife, with dinner on the table right at 6pm every night? with the immaculate home?
to be honest, i don't think it would be that awesome. the reason i want to stay at home is to be with my child. but with the crappy economy (as i know you all know) that just isn't possible right now. we have made some poor decisions financially, and now we have to take responsibility for that. so i work. and my husband works, so very hard, so that i only have to work part time.
we don't have a babysitter. my husband gets home from work about 2 pm, and then i go to my job. our son is always with one of us. i believe that my husband, who is a wonderful provider, is also a nurturer. he is so wonderful with our son. i am so blessed to have a man who is such a devoted and loving father. so we share the responsibility. he works, i work. he nurtures, i nurture. as it is, he does the majority of the providing and i do the majority of the "nurturing" (if you define nurturing by homemaking). and it is a balance that works for us. we work hard together to keep our family afloat.
so what about the woman who chooses to work outside the home, when financially it isn't required? is she sinning? in my opinion, absolutely not. i have found that a few hours away from my son, in the "adult" world, helps me to rejuvenate. i get a short break, to charge my batteries and make me a better mother. some women are just better mothers for working outside of the home. i think it is more important to the Lord for us to be the best mothers we can be, rather than staying at home and being unhappy. and therefore, making our children unhappy.
in october, fMhLisa at feminist mormon housewives posted a blog about her brother-in-law and her sister. i would highly suggest reading it--but i will give you the shortened version. her sister is miserable being a housewife. and her brother-in-law, who is by nature nurturing, goes to work every day to a job he hates. what would be so bad about dad staying home, and mom being the main provider?
and here is another aspect to this. femininity. one of the women i (and april) blog with over at modern molly mormon also runs a blog based on the book fascinating womanhood by helen andelin. i admit i have never read this book. however, i have read a lot of the posts on liss' blog, the fascinating woman. recently, liss wrote a post titled "femininity v. the working woman." i suppose this is part of what has got me thinking about this topic. discussion got rather heated between commenters, especially over a particular phrase: "Does working kill femininity? Does it dampen marital love and cause harm to society? The short – generalized – answer is yes." now although i disagree with liss on this, i do see the opposing view. the issue, here, is not necessarily religion though. it is being feminine. and, as we well know, the church advocates femininity in women and masculinity in men. but what is femininity? is it really staying at home, keeping a clean house, cooking every night? is it really wearing pearls, dressing up every day, having perfect manners, ironing, and washing dishes? is the epitome of femininity the 1950s pinup?
i recognize that i have addressed a number of things in this post. and toward the end, the debate drifted a bit from the religious issue. i felt it important enough to be included, however.
i want to know what you think. i want you to really, truly look inside of yourself. what do you want? why do you want it? do you want to be a SAHM because that's what the church tells you? because that's what you believe is right? because that is what is expected of you? do you want to work outside of the home? why? do you believe that working when it isn't necessary is a sin? what does the word "nurture" mean to you? how do you juggle nurturing and providing in your marriage?
please share!
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while researching various gospel topics in writing this post, i came across this quote from julie beck as well:
"Faithful daughters of God desire children. In the scriptures we read of Eve (see Moses 4:26), Sarah (see Genesis 17:16), Rebekah (see Genesis 24:60), and Mary (see 1 Nephi 11:13–20), who were foreordained to be mothers before children were born to them. Some women are not given the responsibility of bearing children in mortality, but just as Hannah of the Old Testament prayed fervently for her child (see 1 Samuel 1:11), the value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the Resurrection (see D&C 130:18). Women who desire and work toward that blessing in this life are promised they will receive it for all eternity, and eternity is much, much longer than mortality. There is eternal influence and power in motherhood."
this is for those of you whom i love and admire that are striving for children. i thought it was a beautiful quote and wanted to share.










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